Cry of My Heart

         Someone recommended to me to read the autobiography of Helen Roseveare as an encouragement to me. I am blown away by this woman's story and perseverance.  She was a medical  missionary to the Belgian Congo (DRC  today) in the 1960's and was kidnapped by rebel soldiers, beaten and brutally raped. She escaped and returned to the Congo a year later to serve the people who had persecuted her. What an incredible testimony this woman has. Her story has inspired me in unimaginable ways. As I read her story I found several similarities to my own story. It was if she was speaking right to my own heart. In her book, she says she felt like God spoke to her and said this " Can you thank me for trusting you with this experience, even if I never tell you why?" This question is powerful and I feel as if God has asked me the same question. He has trusted me with this experience of being a victim of assault and rape, and now how am I going to re...

A new year brings new hopes, new dreams, new anticipations about what this year may hold for us. We all look expectantly at the year 2013 and pray that its our best yet. Resolutions are made in attempts to "do better' this year. We hope for great blessings, peace and prosperity. We hope for our families to be loved deeper, protected and comforted more than ever. We pray away any suffering that might touch us or our loved ones. This is natural. This is to be expected of our human nature. Who would look expectantly for trials and hardships that may befall them in the coming year?  However all of us as believers of Jesus Christ are called to a life of pain and suffering. It makes us become more like our beloved Savior. So even though the trials are painful, we should be expecting them to come into our lives to mold us and change us for His glory. I Peter 4:12-13 says Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happ...

"I'm not gonna worry, I know that you have got me right inside the palm of your hand Each and every moment What's good and what gets broken Happens just the way that you plan. But You're here You're real I know I can trust You Even when it hurts Even when its hard Even when it all just falls apart I will run to you Cause I know that You are Lover of my Soul, Healer of my scars You steady my heart Kari Jobe "Steady My Heart" This song brought me a lot of peace and comfort in my early days of healing. It really emphasizes the "trustworthiness' of our God. No matter what we may feel or think during a difficult situation, we know that our God is sovereign and can be trusted to be in control and working all things to our good. This was one of my greatest challenges during my recovery and to this day. My feelings are always changing. There were and are so many days where I didn't necessarily feel the peace and comfort from the Lo...

As I have looked back on my experiences over the past few months, I see a lot of pain and heartache. I felt emotions I never could have imagined. However I also feel so incredibly blessed that I was able to find so many purposes for this pain. So many people experience great tragedies in their lives and never get to see the good that God is creating out of it. This was not true for me. Within hours, while I was still in the emergency room, I could begin to understand that God was going to use this incident for something bigger and greater. In the beginning, I was astounded by how many miracles happened both physically and spiritually.  I was encouraged by friends to record all of these moments so that I may hold tightly to them on the days it was much harder to trust that things were going to be alright. My journal pages kept filling up as the miracles continued to come. There are still so many days where I must go to these pages for encouragement and a renewal of trust in God. I...

Psalm 30:11-12 says "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothes me with joy , that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. James 1:2 says "Consider it pure Joy, my brothers and sister when you face trials of various kinds. Pain. Suffering. Tragedy. Fear. Disappointment. Heartache. and......Joy?  Can these words go together? How can joy come out of pain? How can someone rejoice in the midst of tragedy? How can someone suffer yet sing forth praise?  Before September 8, 2012 I had heard of many stories of people living out these biblical concepts in their lives, yet my own life was full of goodness, grace and blessings.. My experiences were limited. The pain I had suffered was small in comparison to others. I trusted and loved God, but found it easy to do so because adversity had never truly come my way. I found myself in late August on my knees crying o...

Wow, I have totally fallen in love with some amazing people here. Refugees have captured my heart. They all have a story, many of which are incredibly tragic, yet still they are so happy and grateful for their lives. Recently we were over at a family from Sudan's house. Through a ministry call LifeCycles we were able to provide a bicyle for their 10 year old boy. Within minutes of being given a bike, he went and got his old broken bike and gave it to his friend who lives nearby. This broke my heart. What a concept. He had been blessed and without thinnking knew that it was his turn to pay it forward and bless someone else. If only the American church could think like this 10 year old Sudanese boy. How the world would be changed and God would get so much glory. I am daily humbled by the lives and actions of refugee families. They weekly invite us into their homes, feed us and care for us despite having little to nothing to actually give. They remind me of the woman in the Bible who...

Psalms 23:5 says " You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. I have heard this verse a thousand times but tonight I see this verse in a whole new light. I am reading Face to Face with God by Bill Johnson. He addresses this verse as though God is sayiing "Satan! My people love Me and I love them, and you're going to watch!! Such romance strikes terror in teh heart of the devil and his hosts. At this table of fellowship our relationship with God deepens and overflows into a life of victory in conflict with the powers of darkness. This struck a chord with me in great ways. This past week we particpated in the Nehemiah City Tour. On this tour we first went to a Islamic Center and were taught the key values of Islam. The people there were incredibly hospitable to us. Despite the fact that they were celebrating the Holy month of Ramadan which means they were fasting, they still served us a helping of Baklava. The next stop was the Hindu Temple. This temple ...